Tuesday, 9 August 2022

The light

Assalamualaikum,


Alhamdulilah, praise be to Allah for giving me opportunity to keep breathing. It's 2022 y'alls! Excited? Blessed? I'm blessed that I survived throughout the 2021. It was a rough journey yet memorable. 

There are a few things that happened in my life. Major and minor changes. Which would you like to listen first?

Okay, I'll tell the major one first. Jeng, jeng! I'm married, I'm someone's wife. Ahuh? Yes bruh, you heard me correctly! I got married last March with my own friend. Friend turns to soulmate, ehek.

Indeed Allah's plan is the greatest. The wanderer finally found her island, the lost found her light and she couldn't ask more.

"How was it?"

"Sorry?"

"Well, the life after marriage?"

.

.

Still learning, adapting and listening all the time. Being in marriage is not about yourself. It is about togetherness and partnering everything with your other half, even in making changes.

What I keep reminding myself, always communicate, tell your husband even the smallest thing that you felt. It helps to bridge the gap that you have (well, not the expert yet!)

.

.

Those who are still searching, I wish you all the best. In light, there is hope. Those who are newlyweds or getting married soon, fighting! Keep the light on and brighten your day even if you are surrounded by darkness.


"Woa, wait a minute! You seems to bit a goodbye. So, is it the end of the entry? You gonna tell the minor changes aren't you?"


Nah, nothing interesting about the minor changes, haha. I'll keep it by myself, peace no war!


P/S: Me and family in laws are down with covid, do pray for our speedy recovery.


Nunu


Sunday, 16 May 2021

The Flower that Blooms

 Assalamualaikum,

I can't sleep so let's rant here. My last post was on February and indeed a lot of things happened, still on going or maybe will happen?

This year I made a huge decision that I hesitated in doing so for the past few years, phewww.. I chose to leave the past by letting go people and creating the brand new history.

And little did you know, I'm thankful and bless with that decisions. I finally sleep in peace and genuinely smile.

Past will remain in your memory but you shouldn't hold on to it. I suprised how people never change in the past 6 years? We supposed to level up in every aspect, like flowers that continue to grow. 

Sometimes we tend to be worried about what future holds. According to the book that I read by Hamza Yusuf 'The purification of Heart', not trusting God resolutions is one of the heart diseases. Allah keep everything in secret so that we keep asking from him.

He might delay your duas or prevent you from getting it just because He knows the best. Trust him!

Keep growing and let go everything that are stopping you.. Then you will see how wide the path is opened in front of you and who knows something great will happen? 

God's plan are beautiful, just open your heart and see.


P/S: Let's pray for our sahabah in Palestine that are currently being oppressed by Israel laknatullah


Nunu




Sunday, 28 February 2021

The Scars that Bleed

 Assalamualaikum,

I guess it was not a good start of the new year. The history tends to repeat and the old scars gonna bleed. Or it was just me that make things complicated?

Obviously, I don't know the right answer. O Allah, what are the things that you have prepared for me? Let me know so I won't anxious with my future.

Run, never stop running that's what people will always tell you. But honestly I'm tired; living in this exhausting world, faking your smile and hiding behind the shadow.

I guess I don't really love the things that I'm currently working on. The door towards my ambition and dream is still close. Am I still be able to chase them? Will the path be opened soon?

I hope I can stitch the scars, not gonna let it bleed for a long time. You are stronger than what you think, live for yourself

Nunu



Tuesday, 9 February 2021

Ichirin No Hana

Hana meraup wajah, kelihatan raut mukanya sugul dan keliru. Aku macam biasa, diam menanti sepatah bicara dari tuan punya badan.

"Kau rasa aku ni banyak sangat dosa ke selalu jadi option pada orang lain?" Hana bersuara dengan pandangan kosong menala ke arah tasik di hadapan.

Aku berkerut dahi dan memandang Hana yang masih tegak memandang ke hadapan

"Maksud kau?"

Sesaat..dua saat.. Tiga... Soalan aku dibiar sepi seketika tak berbalas. Mata aku masih berkelip-kelip menanti jawapan. Ah.. Sudah, berat betul masalah kawan aku ni!

Baru nak tanya soalan lain, Hana bersuara "Teruk sangat ke perangai aku ni sampai selalu jadi option pada orang yang kita harap boleh terima kita seadanyaa?"

Aku menggaru kepala yang dibaluti tudung "Spill the tea, Hana. Aku ni jenis tak faham ayat berbunga-bunga puisi ni. Siapa buat kau?" Aku dah separuh hilang sabar. Tu bukan maksud Hana tu rephrase balik ayat!

Hana mengeluh sebelum bersuara "Ex aku.. Dia nak ajak kahwin tapi lepas aku bagi dia explain sebenarnya dia nak suruh aku tolong dia move on, still in phase of kecewa sebab his new girlfriend cheat on him" Hana ketawa hambar

"Dan I think he just came back untuk kurangkan kesunyian dalam hati dia? Entah la"

Aku masih diam memberi laluan pada Hana. Agak dah ni pasal laki. Perempuan kalau kecewa mesti pasal lelaki, kalau tak direct pasal bercinta mesti kona kut mana pun tetap berbalik pada lelaki. Hidup perempuan ada lelaki je ke?

Suasana dihiasi sepi ketika "Aku rasa kau just jumpa orang yang salah, Hana. Kau tak dipilih untuk menjadi option tapi kau yang memilih untuk diri kau dijadikan sebagai option" Aku memberi pendapat

Hana berkerut, pandangan ditala tepat pada wajah aku yang tenang "Maksud kau?"

Aku senyum "Pertama sekali kau kena ingat dari awal kenapa dia jadi ex kau. Second, kalau dah namanya Ex mesti ada kenangan buruk yang mungkin berulang lagi. Contohnya macam sekarang la kut, kau still sakit hati dengan dia untuk kali kedua dan kenapa kau masih rasa nak contact dia in the first place? Kau sendiri yang letak diri kau dalam keadaan macam ni"

Hana terdiam seolah-olah berfikir. Aku mencuri pandang wajah Hana yang masih kosong.

"Let him go Hana. Perjalanan kita masih jauh untuk menunggu benda yang tak pasti. You worth more than just a guy like him. Kebahagian tu tak terletak pada seseorang tapi pada diri sendiri. Kita yang cipta rasa bahagia"

Hana masih begitu, diam tak berkutik. Eh minah ni dengar ke tak aku bebel panjang-panjang ni?

"Aku rasa kau betul. Bodohnya aku percaya benda yang tak pasti dan nak bagi peluang pada sesuatu yang aku dah jangka pengakhirannya" Hana akhirnya bersuara. Jelas nada nya ada sedikit kecewa. Kecewa dengan diri sendiri barang kali?

Aku menepuk bahu Hana menyalurkan kekuatan "Kau tahu apa maksud Hana dalam bahasa Jepun dan Korea?"

"Tak.. Apa?" Hana macam berminat nak tahu

"Hana in Japanese means flower dan dalam Korean means satu or pertama. Kalau aku gabungkan kedua-dua maksud ni jadilah 'A Single Flower', Ichirin No Hana.. Haha"

Hana berkerut lagi. "Kau punya bahasa lagi level dewa dewi tahap langit ketujuh aku nak faham. Jadi apa kaitannya dengan kes aku?"

Aku ketawa, seronok tengok Hana separuh nak maki aku sebab main-main

"Be a single flower that strongly trying to bloom wherever you are. Be that single flower that never be affected by anything that trying to harm you. Got it?"

Muka Hana masa ni macam 'ooohhh' dengan mulut bentuk O. Hana tersenyum ikhlas

"Ichirin No Hana, ya" Hana merenung ke langit yang terbentang membiru. Nampaknya masih ada harapan baru. Matahari tak pernah berhenti bersinar, kenapa bunga perlu layu?

Written by
Nunu

Friday, 11 December 2020

Bloggie Rant 2.0

 Assalamualaikum,

So, tahun 2020 dah menginjak ke penamat. Aku boleh cakap tahun ni adalah tahun paling tak produktif, tahun orang duduk rumah, tahun di mana buku merah tidak lagi berguna. Semua gara-gara cik Covid-19 (tiber en). Tapi, disebalik semua yang berlaku ni ada hikmah yang Allah pegang dan simpan. 

Banyak mungkin tapi kita tak perasan😐 Atau kita ni memang ignorant tahap tak nak perasan, kah! Human being always arrogant tak tentu hala (including me myself).

What had happened to me throughout this year? Well said, aku akan cakap banyak benda jadi. Wait a minute, tak tahu nak mula dari mana. Nak dengar dari mana dulu? Dari hujung ke awal? Ke awal ke hujung? Gittew, pening dah aku cakap apa. 

I changed my job again (not really change la, I just pulang ke sarang). Hopefully, kali ni kekal lama. Hope so, not planning to change my job dah. I love my job now but kinda hard to sustain and nak puaskan hati semua orang (kenapa ye kita hidup ni kekadang kena puaskan hati orang? I dont really understand)

Memang betul kita banyak dengar orang cakap "Puaskan diri sendiri je, tak perlu fikir pasal orang", haa.. To be honest, it is easy to say rather than do. Hakikatnya, dunia sekarang tu tak macam ni. We need to please others (especially boss) untuk kekal, untuk orang sanjung dan orang pandang. Bak kata Loca B dalam lagu GILA

"Kepala tak sehati, hatiku tak sekepala... Yakin ku lupa diri dalam mengejar dunia"

We tend to bury our real self and put the mask on to survive. Dan selepas itu apa? Adakah kepuasan tu dapat dicapai? The answer : Depends pada diri. Orang kata juga, kalau redha dan ikhlas tu ada Insha Allah dipermudah segalanya.

Okay end of kecelaruan emosi tah apa2 tu. Besides that, aku rasa aku mula rasa ikhlas dan redha untuk cuba buat benda yang sebelum ni aku tak nak buat atau tak suka buat. Sebab kerjaya aku memerlukan aku begitu dan begini, maka aku buat untuk challenge diri sendiri. Tak kata lah perfect but at least we try in everything we can. Kalau kau kata KAU TAK BOLEH sebelum kau cuba tu, maksudnya kau tipu. Macam mana kau tahu TAK BOLEH sedangkan kau tak tahu pun dekat mana kau boleh improve lagi.

Dan.. Sentiasa minta pertolongan Allah (ustajah!) Aku rasa Allah bagi aku banyak, tapi aku bagi Allah sikit sangat. Aku buat dosa lagi (hmmm). So, aku nekad. Bertaubat dengan membenci dosa dan elakkan diri daripada mengulanginya. Jauhkan diri daripada orang yang boleh heret aku ke lembah tak sepatutnya. Allah will give you more NUNU!

Apa resolusi 2021?

Terus terang tak fikir lagi, Kah!

1. Continue doing apa yang aku tengah buat sekarang. Fokus pada kerjaya, simpan duit
2. Bina hubungan baik sesama manusia
3. Bina hubungan baik dengan Allah (ni sepatutnya yang PERTAMA, hampeh kau!)

Sampai jumpa lagi lah Bloggie. Aku tak tahu lepas ni catatan memori indah luka ke atau memori daun pisang.

NUNU

Friday, 31 July 2020

Bloggie Rant 1.0

Bismillah,

Assalamualaikum.. Naa, blog ni dah kembali bersawang dek kerana tuan tanah yang tak cukup tangan nak menyapu membersihkan segala habuk sawang yang ada. Atau tuan tanah sendiri tak tahu dari mana nak mula (intro cliche lah sis)😒.. Btw, love the new feature in blog.. Setelah bertahun-tahun ada blog ni baru first time blogger tukar feature ye? Eheh..

Aku sekarang masih seorang 'private slave' berjaya with 2 jobs. Yaa, 2 JOBS! Apa ke tak cukup dengan satu kerja? Bukan tak cukup, tapi sekadar mencari pengalaman. Itupun masih takut-takut nak maju ke depan. Confidence issue mungkin? 

Aku perasan yang aku seorang yang ambivert (both introvert and extrovert) but for sure genetic introvert aku tu lebih mendominasi. Hence, I don't like to socialize with people too much. Kawan-kawan rapat seorang dua tu okay lah untuk dibuat tempat mengadu dan bercerita. Selebihnya, disimpan rapat dalam diri sendiri.

Disebabkan kerja-kerja dekat hospital tu sometimes menyesakkan dada, aku cuba buat something yang aku happy which are reading, dengar lagu or tengok drama-drama korea. Bila dah meningkat dewasa ni, you just have yourself to depends on maka jangan lah harapkan orang lain untuk bahagiakan kau. Makin usia meningkat, makin perlahan-lahan kawan hilang. Mungkin tak hilang ghaib tapi tak selalu ada di sisi. Kau akan dapat tengok mereka perlahan-lahan mencorak kehidupan yang mungkin berbeza arah daripada kau. So, do whatever you love ALONE okay?

Lately.. Aku baca balik buku-buku Hlovate (budak-budak sekarang mesti tak kenal Hlovate, yelah mana ada dah semangat membaca sekarang ni heh). Aku baca dengan sudut pandang yang berbeza. Pakai mata hati bukan pakai mata luaran sahaja. 

And it feels..... lonely.. Macam ada missing piece dalam diri aku. Buku-buku Hlovate ni simple tapi membawa makna yang tak tahu nak dibawa ke mana. 10 tahun yang lalu pun ada rasa macam ni, tapi masa tu masih zaman main-main yang 'nanti jelah fikir'. Sekarang ni ada masa lagi ke nak fikir? Ada tu ada, tapi kita sendiri tak tahu masa kita tu panjang takat mana. 

Dalam masa 10 tahun ni apa aku buat?

Dalam masa 10 tahun ni apa aku dah capai?

Dalam masa 10 tahun ni berapa banyak ilmu yang aku dah dapat?

Dalam masa 10 tahun ni aku dah jadi orang yang cukup 'baik' ke?

It keeps wandering in my head sampai ada satu tahap rasa macam mungkin Allah lengahkan sesuatu sebab you aren't ready for that or you are not good enough for that. Bukan kata kau tak layak tapi belum sampai masa nya.

Maka, nak tunggu sampai bila? Come on, there is always a first step in everything. Look for it Nunu. You are halfway in your twenties. Nak tunggu thirties baru nak cari ke?

Ayat Trisy dalam Rooftop Rant "Fake it till you make it". Dan kau pun boleh buat.

#Doakan

Nunu

Saturday, 25 April 2020

LEARN FROM MISTAKES

Assalamualaikum,

Salam Ramadan and now we are in one year ahead.. I remember my last post was in 2019, a year ago.. Damn, time flies too fast.. Lots of things happened yet no record about it.. I didnt write much last year which I give a lot of thought on how to make this blog more useful instead of being just a personal diary? P/S: no one use blog anymore nowadays😂 LOL

For the past year, my status has been changed from student to a 'private slave'.. You got what I mean? A worker.. Up until now, I've been working about 8 months and changed job twice.. People said in your early years of career, changing job here and there is a norm. Is it true? Hmm, thinking about it worries me a lot.

In learning process, you will go through a lot of mistakes.. Silly mistakes, carelessness and yada yada you name it.. I was once a lady with a pride, avoiding mistakes and blame herself for everything that doesnt work accordingly to her desire..

But, you cannot avoid doing mistakes.. People tend to fail a few times before getting what they are looking for in life, career and relationship.. Yet, never blame yourself!

People will curse you, blame you and even say that you are incapable but who cares? You are learning❤ The one who avoid mistake will not know what to change in order to step up..

Just in case, you are wondering you are not doing good, Rubbish! You are doing the best that you can.. Believe in yourself, your strength and your weaknesses.. Never compare yourself with anyone else because Allah creates each one of His Servant differently.

Take a deep breath and keep going

NUNU